Always
by Countryole
Summary: "But as determined as she is not to need anyone, to not need saving, she knows that she needs him as much as she needs to breathe. Maybe more." A hypothetical situation set a year after Jane appears in Time Square. Jane reflects on Kurt's importance to her. If a romantic relationship between them became canon, this is how I'd imagine it. T for an implied adult situation. Oneshot.


_**Always**_

* * *

There has always been a connection between them.

If there's anything the last year of her life has taught her, it's that sometimes the stars in the universe align, and you end up exactly where you're supposed to be. Too many things have happened for her not to believe that two bound souls somehow found each other by chance in the chaos. Her existence and the origin of her return from 25 years of missing remains the one question they haven't been able to answer, and when they've come close it's typically ended with disappointment and another clue to follow. Despite all that, Jane's certain that this - right here with him - is where she's meant to be.

Looking back on that first day Kurt begged her to remember him, its almost ironic. Now she could never imagine forgetting his face, not knowing those blue eyes that somehow see past her imperfections. The unadulterated reverence with which he looks at her is something she's never been able to fully comprehend. Unconditional, unwavering, he has been her anchor and her rock through every storm and every war- even in the moments she didn't deserve it.

He was her sense of purpose, her guiding star. She'll be the first to admit that everyday is a struggle for her to reach out and connect, to be _human_ , to simply exist outside the constant turmoil in her head, even after all this time. But as determined as she is not to need anyone, to not need saving, she knows that she needs him as much as she needs to breathe. Maybe more.

And so it's like salvation every morning, waking up next to him. Part of her sometimes imagines she's living in her dreams, but the reality is so much better than the fallacy her dreams had tormented her with before. Being able to rest her head against his chest, to hear the beat of the heart she loves more fiercely than life itself, is what grounds her here in this world. These moments are sacred to her, because his arms around her waist, the warmth of his skin against her own, the steady rhythm of his breathing while he sleeps - those things are _real_. Kurt is real, _this_ is real, and to be reminded of that every time the sun rises often overwhelms her during these quiet moments of reflection alone with him.

He never hesitates to remind her, in ways only Kurt Weller could, that he is her's entirely, whether it's through his actions or his words. And in this strange turn of events she finds it fitting that his name is etched between her shoulder blades, a permanent reminder that she is also his. Jane has seen the changes in him over the past few months, and so has everyone else. It's as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, no longer having to play the facade that his feelings for her didn't exist. He seems lighter, _happier_. He smiles more often. This person that's taken the place of the previously troubled man she knew is the man she imagines young Kurt Weller would have become if things had been different. She likes to think that somehow, in someway, he's found a way to forgive himself, a way to finally start healing, and that helps heal her too.

This is their second chance, and she thanks God everyday for it.

She remembers clearly what it was like when it finally happened, when they finally gave up the fight. When they finally crossed the lines they had so carefully drawn in the sand, lines of objectivity and safety and fear, it was like an awakening. For so long they tried to protect one from the other, both of them afraid of what they would lose, when in reality they have always been two halves of a much better whole.

"What're you thinking?" His eyes blink open, feigning grogginess- she knows he's probably been awake for a while. It's become a game, seeing who can wake up first to watch the other (one she usually wins). Jane doesn't answer immediately. She spins in his arms and curls into his body, pulling his hands around her until they're folded together in her own against her chest, and she chastely kisses his knuckles. He takes a deep breath, a blissful sigh, and places his lips gently against the top of her dark hair, then against her neck before pulling her even closer and falling still again. He doesn't ask her anything else, knowing she'll say what's on her mind when she's ready, and if she doesn't say anything that's fine too. He'll wait for her, like he always did, like he always has.

She examines his hands thoughtfully, and how hers seem so small and fragile in comparison. They're hands that have saved countless lives, her's included. It's hard not to notice how her tattoos curl and wind their way across her body, up her arms, a stark contrast against the clean canvas of his own. There had been a less confident, less certain part of her sometimes unstable psyche that couldn't imagine what he saw in her. There was a part of her that had been terrified of what he would really see when he looked _at_ her. Kurt never looked at her though, not that way, like everyone else did. He's told her himself, in one of her darkest moments, that to him every tattoo, every scar, every inch of her is something beautiful. Everything she was, and everything she is, is what brought her back to him, and he wouldn't change any of it.

That was the night she stopped running from what she suspects heart had known for a long time, and she regrets none of it.

"Jane."

"Yes?"

Kurt gently removes himself from her hold, propping himself up on one elbow, and she turns to face him once more, the flat of her hands resting against his chest, his heart beating right beneath her fingertips. She admires the view, the sheets halfway off the bed, their clothes on the floor, and the sunlight shining through the curtains at his back. He brushes her cheek with his thumb, tracing the line of her jaw to the bird on her neck, and pushes her longer, unruly hair behind her ear and out of her face. He's looking at her like he always does, in that way that sometimes makes her forget how to breathe, like she's the only thing in his entire world.

It always happens so quickly, but truthfully she doesn't mind, and if she's honest she craves his touch more than anything else. Before he can bring himself to say another word his lips are on hers, and she voluntarily responds to his hungry kiss with her own. Her arms wind around his neck, and with practiced ease he rolls her onto her back, hovering above her as she falls back into the pillows with a laugh. She rocks her hips once underneath him, eliciting a growl from Kurt, who responds by lowering more of his weight against her and capturing her mouth with his once more. She can't help but notice though, even now, eyes dark and hungry, that he's always so careful with her. It's as if her well being, even in play, is involuntarily ingrained into every last fiber of his being, and she adores him for it.

He pauses and draws back slightly, short of breath and grinning madly. He looks down at her, his eyes softening.

"I love you."

Jane's face flushes. He's said it before, but every time was like the first time, and the quiet sincerity of his voice, the earnest fervor in his words, always made her heart leap in her throat, robbing her of words. She's not sure how she survived before this, before they realized that the bond they shared was so much more than the culmination of his hazy memories of her as his childhood friend, as her first name, Taylor Shaw. She frames his face with her hands, her green eyes searching his, filled with nothing but wonder. He instinctively leans into her touch, something he always does whether they're here or anywhere else. He gravitates towards her, and she him, as if either one of them could have been the other's sun.

Jane can't bring herself to speak at first, overcome in that moment with gratitude. Gratitude for everything that has ever happened to her, even the things she couldn't remember, the things that have almost broken her beyond repair, because it's lead her back to this. It's lead her back to him.

"I love you too." She murmurs finally, breathlessly, and her reward for her reciprocation is another brilliant smile, and he kisses her again, breathing life into her.

Late for work be damned, she could spend an eternity here with him just like this.

* * *

 _ **AN:** So if I could predict where the show would be a year from now, and I could have it my way, this is it. Imagine this being a very vague point in time somewhere 12 months down the road. If we're all honest with one another, canon Kurt  & Jane would be adorable, because who doesn't notice the way he looks at her? I'm pretty sure those eyes are what dreams are made of. Imagine if he were allowed to love her unconditionally like he's capable of, without the walls of objectivity, then we'd get those looks all the time. The chemistry is just there, and it's heartbreaking and beautiful and just - ugh. They kill me lol. THAT was my inspiration for this piece._

 _Let me know what you think in the reviews. Song inspiration "Always" by Switchfoot. xo_


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